Summer Time-Sharing

Summer in Florida, like in many other states, affords divorced parents the opportunity to spend blocks of quality time with their children. Most of my clients equally divide up the summer with the children spending half of their time with each parent. This is usually a time for summer trips, bonding and giving a parent who has the children primarily during the school year a much needed break. However, often what you decide to do when your children are younger, may not always work when they get to be teenagers when their life and schedules are more important than spending quality time with mom and/or dad. While I agree that teenagers should always get a say, but they shouldn't always get their way, its important to recognize that a teenager's needs and wants when it comes to summertime time-sharing. Don't take offense if your teenager would rather stay close to home to be near a boyfriend/girlfriend or summer job. Be flexible with them and find ways that you can spend time with them and still accommodate some of their own wishes and desires. Work with your ex-spouse to ensure that a summer time schedule makes sense for everyone. Planning ahead and scheduling out the summer in April or May is a good way to avoid confusion and to provide your teenager with a realistic expectation of what they are and are not going to be able to do with their summer.

Disillusioned Teenagers

I always say that teenagers at their best are still difficult, but what are you to do with a teenager that is out of control or acting out because of turmoil in their life, including a reaction to their parent's divorce? What are the signs that your teenager is not acting out in a normal manner, but is a danger to him/herself or others? The following article addresses how to deal with difficult teenagers and how to notice the warning signs that your child may not be going through typical teenage angst.

http://www.news-journalonline.com/NewsJournalOnline/News/Flagler/flaHEAD02FLAGFAM111708.htm

Teenagers and Time Sharing Question

When Judges impose time sharing for children who are young, these types of rulings are very easily enforced and its likely that the children aren't really given a choice as to whether or not they should visit with one of their parents. With teenagers, this is a much more grey area. Teenagers have busy schedules, often times have anger issues towards one parent, and/or are easily manipulated into feeling a certain way towards one parent. What do you do if your teenager refuses to spend time with you doing your designated days? As a parent, how can you encourage your teenager to spend time with a parent when they say they have no interest in doing so? I have the following suggestions:

1. Be flexible. If your teenager primarily resides with you, you have the benefit of spending time with this child during the week. Encourage your child not to make plans that will affect their ability to spend time with the parent who only sees their children during the weekend. If plans are made during their visitation with the other parent, be open to switching weekends so that the other parent doesn't go weeks without any quality time with their child.

2. Don't speak negatively about the other parent or project your own angry feelings towards that parent onto your children. Often times a teenager will feel protective towards one parent and may decide that they don't want to spend time with their other parent in order to protect the parent they feel is being wronged. Remember that your child deserves to have a loving relationship with both parents and its your job, no matter how hard, to insure that this happens.

3. Always keep the other parent informed about extracurricular activities so that the non-custodial parent can be actively involved in your child's life and be afforded the opportunity to see the child even when its not their designated time sharing days.

4. Encourage family therapy if there are issues and problems that preclude the child from wanting to spend time with either their mother or father. Family therapy can be tremendously helpful to a child who feels they don't have the ability to communicate with their non-custodial parent.

5. Don't allow your child to make too many decisions about visitations. Remember that you are the parent and that there are many things that you "make" your children do that they don't want to do, like homework, cleaning their room, etc. One of the things that you should make your child do is spend time with their mother or father.

Helping Teenagers with Divorce

Teenagers, especially teenage girls, definitely have a tough time with their parents' divorce. They often act out and may have a difficult time understanding what went wrong and some teenagers will place blame on one parent which can cause a breakdown in their relationship with that parent. How you deal with your teenager during your divorce can very well set the tone for the relationship that you will have with your child when they become an adult. The following "Dear Amy" question and answer addresses this very issue:

http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/31137779.html?elr=KArks7PYDiaK7DUHPYDiaK7DUiD3aPc:_Yyc:aUU

Telling Your Teenage Children About Your Divorce

What you tell your children about your decision to divorce varies depending on your children's age. I generally encourage my clients to keep the children out of their marital decisions as much as possible, but at the same time give them information about what is going on and how it is going to affect them. With teenagers this can be especially difficult because they are old enough to understand the implications of divorce and may want to save their parents' marriage. The following article addresses how you should approach your teenage children in the event of a divorce. The main focus is remaining a united front.

http://www.livemint.com/2008/09/12235551/8216In-a-divorce-Tell-them.html