Tips for Divorced Parents

Parenting can be a tough thankless job. When parents divorce, parenting can be even tougher and the couple needs to learn how to co-parent their children and let each other in on all the decision making. Below is an article found on divorcenet.com that contains helpful information and tips for the divorced parents.

Parenting Tips for Divorced and Divorcing Moms and Dads
By Carolyn J. Stevens, Attorney at Law Published: March 12, 2005
Your parenting plan should spell out your rights and responsibilities in detail. A clear and detailed plan reduces confusion. Reduced confusion leads to fewer arguments about what the plan says. Fewer arguments leads to less tension. Less tension between the parents is better for the children because:
Children hear and see more than you think they do. They hear arguments between Mom and Dad, and they see how angry you are. When you are angry, your focus changes from loving your children and meeting their needs to holding onto your anger at the other parent. This legal case is temporary. The relationship you have with your children is permanent. When the case is over, you parents will still need to parent your children. Turn your arguments over to your lawyers. Let them fight about it. Do everything in your power to preserve your "business" relationship so that you can parent your children. And part of that is:
Do what you can to make the transition between households smooth for your children. Make sure they're ready on time for the other parent to pick them up. Make sure you're on time when you pick them up. Call the other parent if you're going to be late. Do whatever you need to do to avoid fighting and sniping with the other parent in front of your children. If that means waiting in the car and letting the children come to you, do it. If that means staying in the house and sending the children to the car without you, do it.
If you are the parent who pays child support, remember that child support is your child's right, not the other parents' right. Some parents think they're winning a fight if they don't pay support. Children see it differently. They think it means that the nonpaying parent doesn't love the children. Children hurt when they think the nonpaying parent would rather win a fight than take care of the children's needs.
And finally, try to shift your focus from "the other parent" to the children. Your parenting plan is a way for both parents to take the focus off each other and shift focus to the children. Work as a team to meet the children's needs.

Read this article in its entirety at: http://www.divorcenet.com/states/montana/parenting_tips_for_divorcing_and_divorced_moms_and_dads

Holiday Tips for Divorced Parents

As another holiday season is upon us, divorced parents are figuring out how to time-share their children during the Easter and Passover holidays. Christmas and Thanksgiving, as well as the child's birthday, seem to be the days that generate the most angst for divorced couples, but without fail every holiday brings about questions and concerns about who should get the kids. Often times, parents will solemnize their agreement about holidays in their Marital Settlement Agreements, but there are inevitably problems regardless of what is written down and agreed to. Here are some helpful tips to get yourself and your children through the holidays:

1. Plan Ahead
Develop a parenting schedule before the holidays.
Avoid scheduling the children for dinner with Dad at noon and a second turkey dinner a few hours later with Mom. Instead, arrange for Dad to spend the entire day with the children in all odd-numbered years, and have Mom spend the holiday with them in all even-numbered years.
If possible, hire a parenting coordinator, usually a child psychologist or divorce lawyer appointed by the court to act as a decision-maker until a judge makes a different decision. You have quicker access to the coordinator than the judge, but the coordinator must be paid.
2. Keep Your Word
Stick to the schedule. Arrive on time and drop off the children on time.
3. Keep in Touch
If the children are not with you for the holidays, call them, and be sure to send cards or email. Consider celebrating the holiday or birthday before or after the actual day. Children love parties and gifts any time - nothing fancy - but something special you create just for them.
4. Let the Children Keep in Touch
If the children spend the holiday with you, let them speak with the other parent. Give the children any cards and email from the other parent, and read the messages to young children who cannot read. If the children are too young to call, help them make or receive a call, and let them have a quiet moment to speak with the other parent. Make sure to avoid planning an exciting activity like gift-opening at the same time that the children are scheduled to speak with their Mom or Dad.
Remember, children usually have a short attention span, so do not blame the other parent if conversations are short.
5. Safe Travel
Make travel arrangements with airlines for long-distance travel. Airlines provide supervision for unaccompanied minors for a nominal fee.
6. The Art of Gift-Giving
Coordinate gift-giving with the other parent. Do not give your child a cell phone if you know Mom is giving her a phone. If your ex-spouse will not cooperate, go ahead with your own plans, but do not complain to the children about the other parent.
7. Acknowledge the Child's Right to Enjoyment
Let your child take gifts to your ex-spouse's home. Conversely, if your child brings home a new toy or bicycle, let your child take it back to her Dad's home, if she wants.
8. To Each His Own
Let the children spend Mother's Day with Mom and Father's Day with Dad.
9. Create Your Own Celebrations
Do not insist upon attending your child's birthday or graduation party if your ex-spouse is throwing the party. Give your own party on another day.
10. Give Your Child Permission to Love Both Parents
Help your child buy or make a gift and card for the other parent, if the child is too young to handle the tasks herself. You are doing your child a favor, not your ex-spouse, because you are giving your child permission to love the other parent - the best gift you can give.

This tips were provided by www.divorcenet.com
See the whole article at: http://www.divorcenet.com/states/nationwide/10_holiday_tips_for_divorced_parents

You're Out Of the Family Business!!!

Divorce can sometimes be a very complicated mess especially when a couple is involved with a family business and qualifies as one of their major assets. What happens when one of the parties to the divorce, married into the family business? Sometimes that person will be relieved of their duties based on the fact that they will no longer be a member of the family. Other times, that person has already become a majority stock holder, and will be in the business regardless of their status as a "family member". This can create headaches for everyone involved and often times the issue will be brought before a Judge so that he or she can decide what's the best thing to do. With the dawn of the Prenuptial Agreement age, more and more parties understand where they stand if they decide to divorce the family member who has the blood connection to the family business. However, there are often times repercussions for the business and the individual if they are not allowed to continue on in the business.

This situation can be most recently seen in the divorce of George Steinbrenner's daughter. Her husband was slated to be Mr. Steinbrenner's successor, but now with a looming divorce, his future with the Yankees seems bleak. You can read the story at: http://www.newsday.com/sports/baseball/yankees/ny-spyanks0329,0,4972994.story?coll=ny-worldnews-print

Should a Sex Change Terminate Alimony Award

Living in the 21st century brings about new and difficult problems in the area of family law. There are questions over who gets frozen embryos in divorce, gay adoption, and other issues which were unheard of even 20 years ago. A new issue has arisen in Clearwater, Florida concerning whether or not a man's obligation to pay alimony continues after his ex-wife receives a sex change operation and legally becomes a man. The ex-husband's argument is that Florida does not recognize a man marrying a man, so there cannot be a situation where a man is Ordered to pay alimony to a man. The ex-wife's argument is that the Court Order stated that he should have to pay alimony until her death or remarriage, neither of which have happened. Both arguments are compelling, however, I think that in some senses, the "ex-wife" has died. She no longer exists on paper, and if someone no longer exists, they cannot receive alimony. While her physical presence is still there, she is not there in the legal sense, and that is what should be determinative when deciding whether an alimony award should continue. I'm not sure whether the legislature will touch this topic or whether it will get all the way to the Supreme Court of Florida. This is just another example of the impact that technology has on current family law issues.

If you would like to read the story upon which this blog is based, visit: http://news.bostonherald.com/national/south/view.bg?articleid=191311

Dependency Proceeding Reaching International Waters

When a child is protected by the Department of Children and Families due to the fact that one or both of the parents are deemed to be unfit, questions then arise as to who should be the person designated to care for the child. Often times its a relative or family member who takes in a child pending further order of the Court, and there is often a power struggle between the parties who take that child in and the biological parents. What happens when one of the parents is overseas and its the only the parent living in Florida who is deemed to be unfit? That question is being battled out in Miami-Dade County right now. The mother of a minor child was deemed to be unfit and the court is now determining whether the child should be placed with relatives or whether the father, who is currently living in Cuba, should be given custody. Generally speaking here in Florida, if one party is deemed to be unfit, so long as its in the best interests of the child, the other parent will be granted custody pending further order of the Court. In this case, I believe that the father should have custody of the child and that his status in Cuba should have no bearing as to whether or not he should have custody. The father should be given the opportunity to show that its in the child's best interest for him to be granted custody.

The full story for which this blog is based can be found at: http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/news/nation/16964238.htm

Who Gets To Be Primary Residential Parent?

When a couple divorces, they often have disputes over who should be the primary residential parent. They agree that both parties should be equally involved in the decision making process for their children, but there are debates and disagreements over who the children should live with. If the parties cannot agree as to who should be the primary residential parent, the Court will make this decision based upon the following criteria: (1) Which parent is more likely to allow the child frequent and continuing contact with the nonresidential parent ;(2) The love ,affection and other emotional ties between the parents and the child;(3) Each parent's ability to provide the child with food, clothing, medical care and other material needs;(4) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity;(5) The permanence of the existing or proposed custodial home;(6) The moral fitness of the parents;(7) The mental and physical health of the parents;(8) The home ,school and community record of the child;(9) The reference of the child, if the child is intelligent, understanding and experienced enough to express a preference; and (10) Evidence of domestic violence or child abuse.

If you are trying to determine which parent is more likely to be awarded primary residential responsibility of the minor children look to see who usually or most often is responsible for the daily childcare responsibilities such as the following:

• bathing;
• feeding and preparing meals;
• getting up and getting ready for bed;
• helping with homework;
• conferencing with teachers;
• taking to/picking up from school and extracurricular activities;
• school volunteering;
• taking to/picking up from religious activities;
• Arranging and hosting play dates;
• taking a sick child to the doctor and caring for sick child;
• hiring babysitters;
• shopping for child;
• playing with the child;
• teaching values and manners;
• maintaining and cleaning home; and
• Choosing school and classes.

The courts will generally pick a primary residential parent based on what is in the best interests of the child, but it is important to note that the person who is the primary caregiver for a child may be the person who is awarded primary residential responsibility after a divorce is finalized.

Tax Tips for the Divorce

Its that time of year when everyone starts scrambling to find ways to reduce their federal tax bill. Those people who are divorced have different issues and problems to face when filing out their 1040s. They may be paying or receiving alimony and/or child support, or don't always get to claim their children as dependents. Additionally, asset transfers that occur after a divorce will effect your taxes. Forbes has recently published an article to help divorcees muddle through their unique tax issues and problems. This article provides useful information on the best tax approach to issues that come up during divorce.

TAX TIPS FOR THE DIVORCED
by: Marlene M. Browne
www.forbes.com

This time of year, most people's minds begin turning to madness, basketball and golf. But it's also tax time, and if you are divorced or divorcing, you could run into trouble if you are unaware of the potential traps that await the unwary.

First a review. There are three primary issues when you divorce: dividing property; paying or receiving alimony (or maintenance or "spousal support"); and paying or receiving child support. How these three issues are resolved is what funds the retirement accounts and vacations home purchases of divorce attorneys everywhere. Yet, once the divorce is over, you’ll understand that knowing the tax code and its regulations is nearly as important as familiarity with the substantive domestic relations law in your jurisdiction.
Here are the basics to bear in mind during this pre-April period.
Asset transfers between spouses, consequent to a divorce or legal separation, are generally tax-free affairs. Care of §1041 of the U.S. Tax Code (USC), there is no realization of a gain or loss upon transfer of property, so long as the transaction is “incident to a divorce,” takes place within a year and the recipient of the property is not a “nonresident alien” (if so, you must seek special help to deal with the tax consequences of what are typically tax-free property transfers).
Yet even without a nonresident alien spouse, there are still tricky areas that require special attention because they are not tax-free under §1041. Expert help is required if any third party transfer--say, involving a stock redemption--is involved. Also, if you are divvying up marital property that includes U.S. savings bonds, whoever does the transferring must report the interest on those bonds as income for the year before the divorce. Thereafter, whoever receives those bonds becomes responsible to report interest as income.

But even if § 1041 protects your property transfers from immediate taxation, be cautious about what you agree to give (or take) in your divorce, as you will receive each asset with the transferrer’s basis. So, if you plan on taking that Google (nasdaq: GOOG - news - people ) stock worth $10 million (obtained from your spouse’s judicious choice of employment in 1997 and her consequently wildly lucrative stock options); you will face a huge capital gain exposure when you eventually sell those shares for $430 each, considering your ex got them for $10.
In this example, you'd be better off taking an asset of similar value but a higher basis or, best yet, cash. Similarly, if you owned lovely rental units, which you’ve depreciated to the fullest, you take that property with its reduced basis. Always look to the latent tax bill whenever you agree to “take” an asset in a divorce decree. And make sure that you agree or get an order to have access to all records that would allow you to prove to the IRS what the cost--or adjusted--basis of each asset actually is.
Alimony, as you probably know, is fully taxable as income to the recipient and provides an “above the line” deduction for the payer, provided the conditions of §71 are met. ( See U.S. Code Collection, Cornell Law School.) In other words, to qualify as alimony, the payments must: be made in cash to--or on behalf of--a spouse (or ex); be pursuant to a written document (separation agreement or court decree); not be labeled as nonalimony (this condition reflects that spouses can agree that payments will not be taxable); made in a year that the spouses don’t file jointly (and don’t live together, if the divorce is final); terminate upon the death of the recipient spouse; and not be child support in disguise (more on this later).
Also, don’t try to “front-load” a property payment and call it alimony to take advantage of the deduction. If you do, your so-called “excess alimony” payments could be recaptured and those deductions will evaporate. To avoid recapture, make sure that the alimony obligation doesn’t decrease by more than $15,000 between years, one, two and three. (Consider an alimony trust for more flexibility.)
Now here’s the tricky part. If you are still in the midst of divorcing and are paying temporary support under a “pendente lite” (pending the suit) order, make sure you ask the judge or your attorney to carefully allocate what portion of your pendente lite obligation is alimony, and what portions are not (i.e., represent child support or payments that would not qualify as “alimony” under § 71). Notice: Spouses may reside in the same household and still deduct temporary support--so long as the other criteria are met; they just can’t file joint income tax returns for the year in question. Anyhow, if you don’t allocate your temporary support, you or your spouse could be in for a nasty surprise. For instance, you might try, as the payer, to deduct your unallocated pendente lite obligation as alimony, while your payee spouse objects.
Well, to date, if you live in Delaware, New Jersey, Pennsylvania or Virginia (jurisdictions within the Federal Third Circuit) unallocated temporary support will be considered taxable income to the recipient--you, as payer, win. (See Kean v. Commissioner, 407 F3d 186 (3rd Cir. 2005).) On the other hand, if you live Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Utah or Wyoming (states in the Federal Tenth Circuit), unallocated support is not considered taxable to the recipient--and you, as payer, lose. (See, Lovejoy v. Commissioner, 293 F.3d 1208 (10th Cir. 2002).)
If you live anywhere else, you don’t know how your Circuit will rule (the only thing you do know is that the matter will be a proverbial federal case, as federal tax issues are not state court matters). So, avoid uncertainty and nasty tax court cases where you don’t know which precedent the court will follow: Label what each payment is for, and who, if anyone, is entitled to deduct those sums as taxable alimony.

Child support is never taxable to the recipient spouse, nor deductible by the paying spouse, as it’s not considered "income," but rather a payment that is owed on behalf of the child, who just happens to live in the other parent’s home. Don’t even think about labeling child support payments as taxable alimony. If these payments terminate upon an event associated with a child’s majority (attaining age 18 to 21) or emancipation (leaving school, entry into the armed services, marriage, full-time employment or, god forbid, death), then the IRS will go back and recalculate every penny you paid as nondeductible child support. Not only will you be taxed on that previously deducted income, you’ll likely face interest and penalties. Don’t do this.
Finally, what everyone wants to know: Can you deduct your divorce lawyer’s bill? Well, not generally, but it is possible. Under §212, the IRS allows deductions for legal fees incurred in the “production” or “collection” of gross income. Consequently, if you itemize and can prove that your lawyer helped you receive, increase or collect alimony payments, you can deduct her fees but only in connection with the alimony and only if they exceed 2% of your adjusted gross income. ( See U.S. Code Collection, Cornell University.)
You cannot deduct the legal fees incurred to stop or defend against an alimony action. You may, however, deduct legal expenses incurred to obtain tax advice--often encountered in a divorce. But, these fees must your own. (You can’t deduct any fees paid on your spouse's behalf, no matter what they are for). To avoid any problems, your attorney's invoices must be clear, separating the tax planning provided from the purely personal and nondeductible divorce-related services rendered. ( See Rev. Rul. 72-545, 1972-2 CB 179.) Also, if you acquired sole title to real property in your divorce, ask your attorney about adding those legal fees to its basis.
Please, consult with a tax professional to review your tax exposure or savings before your divorce is final. As they say, a person who is his own accountant has a fool for a client.
Written by Marlene M. Browne, a lawyer licensed in New Jersey, Massachusetts and Colorado. In addition to writing, Browne lectures on the law and appears regularly on national radio and TV.

For more information about marriage, divorce and family law, read Boomer's Guide to Divorce and The Divorce Process: Empowerment Through Knowledge by family law attorney Marlene M. Browne.