Monkey in the Middle

Hi folks and happy summer!! I have been painfully absent from this blog for months and apologize for those of you who have been avid readers and like to know "what's new" in Florida family law.

I'd like to take the opportunity to welcome, Josh Martell, Esquire, to our firm who will be assisting with our practice, and will also be providing his services in the area of criminal law. He will be starting his own criminal blog soon and we'll provide a link to that blog when its available.

There was a lot of drama in Florida earlier this spring/summer about possible legislation that if it had passed, would drastically change alimony laws and child time-sharing. The governor vetoed the bill at the last minute and the bill was not signed into legislation. Regardless of the attempts to effectuate change this summer, I feel that there is change on the horizon and everyone needs to be prepared for those changes when they occur. I will keep everyone updated as the changes make their way through our legislative system.

I came across the link above by accident, and I thought that the subject of the article was in line with a great deal of cases that I have had in the past. I always tell my clients that divorce is partly emotionally but mostly legal and that they should save their emotional questions and issues for their therapists, friends and family. While I am happy to be a sounding board, I am not a licensed mental health professional and often times I can't do anything productive in order to assist with the emotional aspects of a divorce. After reading the article linked above, I'm reminded that many times, people use their children as sounding boards as well when it comes to their divorce both during and after the case has been finalized. I think that this article gives good advice and is a helpful reminder to all parents out there that your kids should never be put in the middle of your divorce and should be free to have a good relationship with both you and your ex spouse regardless of your feelings about your ex. As the dust settles after a divorce, when it comes to your children, you owe it to them to always shelter them from the conflict that may exist between you and your ex spouse. Children grow up, move on, graduate, get married, and have children. The best gift you can give them is the knowledge that despite of what has happened in the past, you are able to be more than just civil, but friendly and cordial. While this is easier said than done, especially in situations where it can be argued that someone wasn't a very good parent after a divorce, but it is what is best for your children.

Death and Divorce

As a family lawyer we often say that we get to see good people at their worst while criminal attorneys get to see bad people at their best. Unfortunately, in some cases, divorce not only brings out the worst in people, it sometimes leads to unspeakable crimes. There was a case in California in the early 1990s about a woman who killed her ex-husband and his new wife out of rage. She was tried and convicted of two counts of second-degree murder with back to back sentences of 15 years to life. Ms. Broderick is now seeking parole. I don't know all the facts of this case, but it seems that she broke into her ex-husband's house and may very well have had the intention of killing him. I never think that hurt feelings or trying to wrong a right that occurred in your marriage is justification for violence. I encourage all of you out there who are feeling out of control anger and the need to hurt your ex-spouse, please get help and do not act on those feelings. While anger, disappointment and sometimes rage can be normal feelings in a divorce, getting help when those feelings cannot be controlled is in every one's best interest, including your own.

Divorce and Depression

I read an article online about a man in California who murdered his two children and then took his own life. He was going through a divorce and had recently lost his job. From the articles that I read, no one said whether there were signs that this gentleman was depressed, acting unusual or had a violent history. I see many people come through my office who are depressed, angry, lonely, or otherwise not acting like themselves. We in the family law world often say that criminal attorneys get to see bad people at their best and family law attorneys get to see good people at their worst. Its important that you find help if you are struggling with your new life and if you suspect that your soon to be ex-spouse is not emotionally stable. Seek help from local law enforcement and the courts or encourage those members of your family or friends who are struggling with the reality of their divorce to seek help from a mental health professional. Unfortunately tragedies like the one that happened in California may still happen, however, don't be afraid to seek help if you feel that you are emotionally in trouble.

To read the article upon which this blog is based see:

Book about Divorce and Fatherhood

Many people are aware of the bitter divorce battle between Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger, and now Mr. Baldwin has written a book about his experience with divorce where he vilifies his ex-wife and the legal system. While I agree with him that there are plenty of attorneys' out there who pillage their client's who have large bank accounts, I believe that it is slightly unfair to put all of us into that category. Many divorce attorneys do their best to get their client's to the other side of divorce emotionally and financially in one piece. However, sometimes it is hard to control the other side if they are filing pointless motions and creating legal fees. When this happens, the best advice that I can give to my clients is to try to remain calm, let the system run its course and know that if they can get into the courtroom with clean hands, it will be in their best interest. The process can destroy you if you let it, and I think that this is something that Mr. Baldwin and other non-celebrities can relate to.

Should You Apologize?

There are many reasons for divorce, and sometimes the blame for the divorce falls more on one party than the other. I've said in other blogs that there are two "divorces" when a party legally terminates their marriage, the legal divorce and the emotional divorce. The legal divorce is sometimes the easier part. I've always thought that in order to get through the emotional divorce you have to accept accountability for your actions, and apologize when you have been the person who has committed some wrong doing. It is the only way that you and your ex-spouse can move on. I know that this is easier said than done, but accepting accountability and apologizing can help you let go of your own anger and help you heal. I hope that the Normans can do that, because it appears there are still some bitter feelings.

To read the latest about Greg Norman, his affair with Chris Evert and his divorce, see:
http://news.theage.com.au/national/norman-never-apologised-about-evert-20081027-59q4.html

Better After Divorce?

One of the polls on my blog spot is a question about whether you believe that your life is better after divorce. I think that most people's lives are better after divorce, but they are saddened by the affect their divorce has on their children and finances. The following article is about one person's personal journey and what their decision to divorce did for their life. Please feel free to post your own personal stories about life after divorce here on this blog.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/Chicken-Soup-For-The-Soul/2008/10/The-Heart-Knows-Best.aspx