Modification of Parenting Plans, is there enough smoke to convince a judge that there is fire?

One of the biggest dilemmas that I deal with in family law cases is when someone comes to me with their desire to modify the terms of the original parenting plan or time-sharing judgment. The Florida Statute governing this particular request is Fl. Stat. Sec. 61.13 which basically states that upon showing a substantial, permanent and unanticipated change of circumstances, a parenting plan can be modified based upon the best interest of the children. Therefore, if you want to modify time-sharing, it doesn't necessarily matter that the time-sharing schedule that is currently in place is not in the children's best interest. You must first show the substantial, permanent and unanticipated change of circumstances. Its a gigantic hurdle and one that is not easily jumped in some counties. Often times, I hear clients or potential clients talk about various things that are going on in their particular life and I have to tell them, that it doesn't satisfy the statutory burden of substantial and permanent change of circumstances. The question is often how much smoke does there need to be before there is "fire" and the answer is a lot. I often remind people before they sign a parenting plan in an initial divorce that they are going to be stuck with a particular schedule indefinitely and that they should be sure they are okay with a schedule before they sign their parenting plan. In a nutshell, it is very hard to change a parenting plan unless you can prove that there is harm going on to your children that is caused by a change in your ex-spouse's life that was not anticipated at the time of the entry of the initial divorce decree. So, before you start spending a great deal of money on attorneys' fees to modify a parenting plan, make sure you have what you will need to prove your case.

Parenting Plans, Hurricanes and the Unknown

Parenting Plans are required to be filed in Florida if you have kids. In a nutshell the Parenting Plan is supposed to be your road map when it comes to all kid related issues when you are divorced. Most parenting plans have basic information like regular schedules, holiday schedules, division of extracurricular activity costs, and other basic parenting essentials. What most parenting plans don't have are things like........what to do when there is a hurricane. For most of my clients when Hurricane Irma hit it wasn't an issue and the parents were able to work out amongst themselves their contingency plan. For my higher conflict cases, there were issues and there wasn't a way to amicably decide what was going to be done since some exchanges were supposed to occur either in the midst of the hurricane or while there was still a curfew in place. For the past five years, we have put more and more things in the plans in order to account for any situation which might come along with kids. Clearly you cannot plan for everything, however, for those of you that are creating parenting plans right now, its not a bad idea to put in a hurricane plan so that when a disaster comes along, there are no questions as to where the kids are going to be. You want your Parenting Plans to be as complete as possible and to plan for as many contingencies as you can to help insure that there are no problems in the future. While you cannot plan for everything that comes along when you have children, you can try to tie up as many loose ends as possible.

Financial Disclosure the Good, the Bad and the Necessary

Lately I have found myself and my staff spending an extraordinary time dealing with financial disclosure issues. It is such an annoying thing to deal with because no matter how many documents are turned over in a case, only a handful are ever actually admitted into evidence or needed in a divorce, paternity or custody trial.

When a family matter is filed in Florida, Florida Rule of Family Procedure 12.285 immediately comes into play and certain items of financial documentation are required to be turned over to the opposing side. This includes three (3) months of bank records, three (3) months of pay records, three (3) years of tax returns, etc. Often times a party is also served with a Request to Produce certain items of financial documentation which can be voluminous, expensive and tedious.

The most common comments that I get from clients about a Request to Produce and Mandatory Financial Disclosure are the following:

1. Why do they need it and can't you object?
2. We should file our own Request to Produce and ask for the same things.
3. I don't want to turn this stuff over, its none of their business and I'm not going to do it.
4. Why do I need to provide documentation that is completely not relevant to the issues that we are dealing with?

Generally speaking financial disclosure is busy work and very rarely leads to any documentation that helps prove someone's case in a family matter. Its time consuming and definitely feels like an invasion of your personal privacy. However, the reality of the way that the family law statutes and rules are currently written is that it doesn't matter that the information won't lead to anything that is relevant in a court of law. If someone asks for something, they are most likely going to get it. Failure to turn over documentation leads to delays in a court proceeding, attorneys' fees and sometimes sanctions that lead the Court to believe that you are hiding something. Turning documentation over and taking all the necessary steps to comply with discovery requests is a necessary evil in a family law matter. That's the bad news. The good news is that most of it will never be admitted into evidence, if you have nothing to hide, no amount of paperwork is going to help your opposing side prove their case and by cooperating it speeds up the process and insures that you have clean hands when you go into a court room. So Turn It Over Folks!

Governer Scott Vetoes Alimony and Child Timesharing Bill

Its been a while that I had reason to blog here and it seems that the latest reason is the same as the last reason. In the State of Florida there has been many attempts over the past few years to change and reform alimony. The latest version of the alimony reform bill that landed on Rick Scott's desk has been vetoed. The Bill contained a presumption that 50/50 timesharing is in a child's best interest. Scott gave his reasons for vetoing the bill and it revolved around the notion that the "one size fits all" approach to children in a divorce was not in the best interest of children and families. I have long since believed that in order to truly have alimony reform in the State of Florida that a bill would have to stand on its on and not be lumped in with reform of any other family law issue. The way that our alimony statute is written right now does allow for different results from county to county and judge to judge; however, the statute still outlines the factors the courts must take into consideration when making decisions related to alimony. I have tried quite a few alimony cases and for the most part the judges get it right. The future of alimony reform is still unclear, but hopefully our legislature understands that true reform will have to stand on its own.

Long Term Marriage and Alimony Reform

If you are paying alimony, about to be paying alimony, or receiving alimony, I am sure that you have read all the latest on alimony reform in Florida. Everyone is talking about these wonderful calculations that will help put surety into the alimony system so that we can give clients floors and ceilings when determining an alimony amount. I am happy that we have floors and ceilings because as lawyers it helps us better predict what will happen in a court room. I have concern that we are moving towards someone’s actual need NOT being the basis for an alimony award. While there will be end dates for alimony which is nice, if you are married for over 20 years and are a high income spouse, your alimony is going to be quite high and could be up to 55% of your net income.
Here is an Example of the floors and ceilings for a 20 year marriage where one spouse earns $30,000.00 and the other spouse earns $200,000.00 would be as follows:

Low End- Alimony for 5 years at a rate of $3,500.00 per month (21% of payor's income)
High End- Alimony for 15 years at a rate of $5,600.00 per month (33.4% of payor's income)


Every year these amounts go up. Under the same scenario the floor and ceiling in a 21 year marriage is $3,700.00 and $5,900.00 per month. Basically, every year that you are married you can expect to be paying an additional 9.5% than divorcing a year earlier. That does not happen with the current alimony statute. The current alimony statute is strictly based upon need versus ability to pay. While I agree with most that that the current statute provides great discretion with judges, it also does not create a situation where a person is entitled to an extraordinary amount of alimony strictly based on their years of marriage. So, the moral of the story is if you are contemplating divorce and you have any alimony exposure, it does not help you to wait to file for divorce. Run do not walk to your nearest attorney’s office to file.

Same Sex Marriage In Florida!!!

Florida on Monday became the thirty-sixth state to allow same-sex marriages, as a state court judge in Miami ordered a Dade County clerk to start issuing licenses to same-sex couples. This is something that Floridians have been waiting a long time for and it has become a reality. While there are still a great deal of people who are opposed to the idea of same sex couples being allowed to marry, the vast majority of Floridians were in favor of lifting the ban on gay marriage. Licenses are expected to be issued by other clerks across the state Tuesday morning, under an order by a federal trial judge. Orange County has started issuing licenses and a Circuit Court Judge has already started conducting ceremonies. Gay couples are now allowed to marry in civil ceremonies and those marriages will be recognized by the State of Florida. With marriage......comes divorce and it is just a matter of time before the Court hears the first "gay divorce". While the reasons for divorce are vast, many people get married too quickly and without really thinking it through and that seems to be a common theme in marriages that are less than 5 years. So..... my gay and lesbian friends I will give you the same advice I have been giving heterosexual couples for years............Think Before You Marry!!

Florida Most Expensive State to File Divorce

I read online recently that Florida is the most expensive State to File for Divorce in. Here are the top ten:

10. Tennessee, $302

9. Utah, $310

8. Pennsylvania, $317

7. Arizona, $321

6. Louisiana, $324

5. New York, $335

4. Illinois, $337

3. California, $395

2. Minnesota, $402

1. Florida, $409

The price is actually higher than that because everything is electronically filed now and if you pay with a credit card, there is a built in "convenience fee". If it is a contested divorce, you are also charged $10.00 for the Court to issue a summons, which means that a contested divorce in Florida actually costs $430.00 to file. Meanwhile, Judges' dockets are more full, clerk's offices are staffed less and attorneys' are charging more per hour for their services. Divorce is definitely expensive, and when you tack on more and more clerk's fees and filing costs, even without a lawyer, a divorce can cost you $1,000.00 or more. I don't think that the cost of the filing of a divorce will stop people from doing it, but its definitely good to know what the costs are before you decide to move forward with a divorce. When consulting with an attorney and they quote you a price for a retainer, make sure that you ask whether the filing fee is included.

Same Sex Divorce Not Granted in Tampa, Florida

In March I blogged about a case in Tampa, Florida wherein a gay couple was wishing to have a divorce granted by a Judge. The couple was married in Massachusetts and had a valid marriage in Massachusetts. They moved to Florida and are now residents of the State of Florida. They came to settlement terms and simply requested that the Judge ratify their agreement and grant them their divorce. The Tampa Judge declined to grant them a divorce based upon the premise that Florida does not recognize their marriage, therefore, a divorce is an impossibility. Therefore, because of different state residency laws as it relates to obtaining a divorce, unless the parties were to establish residency in a State that recognizes their marriage, they will still be married. The decision of the trial court will, of course, be appealed. I will continue to follow this case and provide my readers with updates about the case, but I presume that if at some point the appellate court, or the State Supreme Court overturn the ruling of the trial court, this will open many doors for gay couples in Florida to dissolve their marriages if they so choose. There is no question that laws are different from state to state, and what may good law in one state, may not be good law in another. How is this particular issue resolved when under most circumstances, you most be a resident of the State in which you are seeking a divorce to be granted a divorce? I'm sure this couple is not the only couple within the United States to have this issue and I'm interesting to know how other states have handled it. I guess we'll stay tuned. The reality is that if the appellate process overturns the result of the trial court there will be precedence that Florida recognizes same sex marriages that were solemnized in a state that allows same sex unions.

Same Sex Marriage and Divorce in Florida?

Every now and then I come across an article that I think is interesting to the masses and not only to those people who believe that a divorce or separation is imminent. Today in Hillsborough County a same sex couple is attempting to dissolve their union that was solemnized in Massachusetts a few years ago. They have come to an agreement and are seeking an uncontested dissolution of their marriage. This is difficult and ground breaking because Florida does not recognize same sex marriages.

There is a real problem in this country when some states allow same sex marriages or unions and the couple then relocates to another state that does not recognize their union. They would not be able to get divorced in the State in which they were married because they are no longer residents of that state and they will not be allowed to divorce in their new state because the new state doesn't recognize their marriage. This is a very real logistical problem that Florida and other states that do not recognize same sex marriage are going to be faced with if they haven't faced this issue already. It'll be interesting to see what happens in Hillsborough County and whether or not this issue gets all the way to the Supreme Court of Florida. While there is a ban on same sex unions, there is a question about recognizing those unions that were created in other states. We live in a very transient society and as people move around, this issue is going to come up more and more and sooner rather than later the legislature and the courts are going to have to figure out what to do.

5 things that will drive divorcees nuts

I Recently came across an article about the things that drive divorce people crazy. I find that the five things that his writer finds to be annoying about their own divorce to be truly universal with most of the people and cases that I deal with on a daily basis. I am constantly telling my clients to take the high road, to not get bogged down in the little stuff and that they should in all circumstances try to shield their children from their divorce and never start an argument in front of them. This is easy to do if you have an ex spouse who is willing to do the same thing. This becomes difficult when the other parent/ex spouse is never seems to do the right thing and is constantly creating issues and problems. When dealing with your ex, its important to remember that hatred and resentment do not help you move on. I'm interested to hear from my readers what drives them crazy about their own divorces.

Designation for other Legal Purposes v. School Designation

Florida is a progressive state in that it does not recognize a primary parent or even a majority parent. We have time-sharing of children and in most cases, except those very unique cases, the parties also share parental responsibility. Because Florida is a progressive state, and because other State and Federal Laws have not caught up to the laws here in Florida, there is a requirement that parenting plans have a parent named as the legal custodian for other legal purposes. The language usually stated in parenting plans is as follows:


"Designation for other legal purposes. The children named in this agreement are scheduled to reside the majority of the time with the father. This majority designation is solely for purposes of all other state & federal laws which require such a designation. This designation does not affect either parents rights & responsibilities under this agreement."

I used to believe that this was a benign provision that was only needed for purposes of Federal laws and other State Laws that require a designation. What I am finding is that there are many people, including attorneys and county schools, who read this provision in a not so benign fashion. They read it to mean that the person who is named for legal purposes is allowed to make decisions related to where a child is to go to school and whose address will be used for school designation purposes regardless of whether there is a provision in the parenting plan regarding school. This is not such a big when there truly is a person who has the majority of the time with the children and is doing the majority of the school-related heavy lifting. This becomes an issue when there is 50/50 or 60/40 time-sharing and someone chooses to move less than 50 miles away rendering a time-sharing schedule virtually impossible because someone believes that their address is what should be used for school designation purposes because they are named as the Legal Custodian in this provision of a parenting plan.

To avoid this, the best thing to do is to designate an address for school designation purposes and say that this is provided that the person remains living within 15 miles of their current residence. Further indicate that in the Legal Custodian Section that this does not apply to address designation for school purposes. I hate to believe that people always have ulterior motives when they are drafting and agreeing to certain provisions in parenting plans, but you have to protect yourself so that in the future, your kids don't automatically end up in a different school because of this supposedly "benign" provision. If you are not a majority time-sharing parent, it may be additionally smart to place a relocation restriction in your parenting plan to avoid your ex from moving far enough away from you to make your parenting plan difficult. Right now, the way that the current statute reads, there is only a restriction from moving more than a 50 mile radius. With the changes that have occurred in our state with time-sharing and moving more towards a situation where in most cases the parties enjoy 50/50 time-sharing, I suspect the geographical restriction will be smaller.

Monkey in the Middle

Hi folks and happy summer!! I have been painfully absent from this blog for months and apologize for those of you who have been avid readers and like to know "what's new" in Florida family law.

I'd like to take the opportunity to welcome, Josh Martell, Esquire, to our firm who will be assisting with our practice, and will also be providing his services in the area of criminal law. He will be starting his own criminal blog soon and we'll provide a link to that blog when its available.

There was a lot of drama in Florida earlier this spring/summer about possible legislation that if it had passed, would drastically change alimony laws and child time-sharing. The governor vetoed the bill at the last minute and the bill was not signed into legislation. Regardless of the attempts to effectuate change this summer, I feel that there is change on the horizon and everyone needs to be prepared for those changes when they occur. I will keep everyone updated as the changes make their way through our legislative system.

I came across the link above by accident, and I thought that the subject of the article was in line with a great deal of cases that I have had in the past. I always tell my clients that divorce is partly emotionally but mostly legal and that they should save their emotional questions and issues for their therapists, friends and family. While I am happy to be a sounding board, I am not a licensed mental health professional and often times I can't do anything productive in order to assist with the emotional aspects of a divorce. After reading the article linked above, I'm reminded that many times, people use their children as sounding boards as well when it comes to their divorce both during and after the case has been finalized. I think that this article gives good advice and is a helpful reminder to all parents out there that your kids should never be put in the middle of your divorce and should be free to have a good relationship with both you and your ex spouse regardless of your feelings about your ex. As the dust settles after a divorce, when it comes to your children, you owe it to them to always shelter them from the conflict that may exist between you and your ex spouse. Children grow up, move on, graduate, get married, and have children. The best gift you can give them is the knowledge that despite of what has happened in the past, you are able to be more than just civil, but friendly and cordial. While this is easier said than done, especially in situations where it can be argued that someone wasn't a very good parent after a divorce, but it is what is best for your children.

Presumptive Best Interest of Child and Equal Time-Sharing

There is no question that our family law statutes need to be reformed and that there is a great deal of "judicial discretion" in family law matters. Often times, the outcome of your case depends more on the judge that you have been assigned than the facts of your particular case. If you were to have your case in front of one judge, the outcome may be very different if you were to have your case in front of a different judge. The legislature is trying to change that, in particular when it comes to time-sharing with children. There are changes to alimony as well that I will address in a later blog, but I wanted my readers to be aware of the changes that are being proposed for time-sharing because it is substantial. If the Bill passes, there will now be a presumption that equal (50/50) time-sharing is in a child's best interest, with very limited exceptions. The exceptions would be in the nature of real harm to a child that a parent is incarcerated, a parent is unfit, or the parent's geographical distance would hinder the ability for a 50/50 time-sharing schedule to work. If this passes and is signed into law, most families would be automatically forced into a 50/50 timesharing arrangement if one party were to want that. I have had plenty of cases in the past and some cases right now where one parent does not want an equal time-sharing schedule for a variety of different reasons. Some reasons are valid; some reasons are not valid enough to take the issue before the Court. With this new law, if it is passed, every family will be forced into a 50/50 schedule provided that one parent is requesting it. We do a lot of 50/50 time-sharing arrangements and have had a Judge rule many times that 50/50 is what a couple is going to have, but there are many families who want to alter or adjust this schedule after the final hearing because the schedule is simply not working. Absent a substantial and permanent change of circumstances, couples are going to be stuck with these schedules, regardless of whether or not it’s "working". I agree with the idea that if we have a presumption that 50/50 is in the children's best interest, there will be less room for argument and people would have to acquiesce on this issue. Taking any argument off the table that 50/50 is not good because a parent simply doesn't want it will help insure that less litigation ensues over "best interest of the children". However, what I don't agree with is that we should take the approach of "one size fits all" when it comes to dealing with children. It'll be interesting to see how this develops and if you have issue with this potential law, I urge you to contact your representative.

Business Relationship With Ex Spouse

I think that one of the most difficult things for a couple to do after they have divorced is figure out how they are going to co-parent their children. Often times the fights, resentment and misunderstandings that happen post divorce are a result of a couple's failure to communicate differently after a divorce. Learning how to be in a business relationship with your ex spouse can be difficult and sometimes, down right impossible if you and your ex spouse are not on the same page. However, learning to effectively co-parent is essential if you have any hope of raising happy, healthy, well adjusted children. Here are some tips that may help you along that path.

1. LOVE YOUR CHILDREN MORE THAN YOU HATE YOUR EX SPOUSE- No matter how much you dislike your ex spouse for what they did to you during your marriage, and your divorce, its important to always put your children first. Although it might feel good to agree with someone when they bash your ex, or you really need to know why your ex is now driving a brand new Lexus when they claimed they couldn't afford those basketball lessons for your son, always think about your children before you speak, act or fail to act. Loving your children more than you dislike your ex spouse will always be the right decision.

2. TAKE AN IN PERSON PARENTING CLASS RATHER THAN ONLINE CLASS- While it is surely easier, confidential and convenient to take your parenting class online, I'm a firm believer that you will get more out of the class if you actually go to an in person class. You are more likely to pay attention, listen to what you are being told and figure out what you have to learn about parenting after a divorce if you take the time to go in person. You will be happy that you did and most Judges will appreciate the extra effort.

3. NEVER PUT YOUR CHILDREN IN THE MIDDLE- No matter what the situation, never ask your children to relay anything to your ex spouse, never ask them to deliver funds to the other parent and never interrogate them about what goes on in the other parent's house. Your children should be as free from conflict as humanly possible and should never be the one to deliver information. If you are going to be late, owe the other parent money, wondering about a party you heard happened at their house, pick up the phone and communicate about the issue yourself.

4. TRY TO SAY SOMETHING POSITIVE ABOUT THE OTHER PARENT IN PRESENCE OF CHILDREN- This is easier said than done. After a divorce, negative thoughts, feelings and statements seem to flow much easier than the positive. If you consciously make the decision to say something positive about your ex, it will help you, especially when the negative tends to come to the lips more readily.

5. GIVE YOUR EX THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT- After divorce, its easy to immediately jump to the negative when there is a conflict, communication issue or problem. A lot of times there are two loving parents who just communicate, parent, listen and comprehend information differently. Not automatically jumping to the negative will help you get the benefit of the doubt yourself in the future when you need it. You will hear a lot of things from your children about what goes on in the other house, and you can assume that only about 1/2 of what you here is 100% accurate. Change the subject when things are offered up by your child, and if there is something that you are concerned about, don't take your kid's word for it, call the other parent and start with "I take this with a grain of salt because Joey offered it up, but Joey said you spanked him really hard the other day and sent him to bed without dinner. I'm just wondering what the real story is." Delivery is 1/2 the battle when you are trying to communicate with an ex after divorce. Accusing first gets you no where and not going to be met with any type of openness. I'm always amazed when I am sitting in a mediation, court hearing or settlement conference and listening to two (2) people tell the same story and have entirely different versions of what "really" happened.

6. DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF- After a divorce, you really need to pick your battles with your ex so when there is a major issue that comes up in the future, you will be taken seriously. There will be plenty of little things that happen along the way in a post-divorce parent relationship and letting go of things that are minor annoyances, rather than big issues will help you be taken more seriously when a major issue arises. Think about the little boy calling wolf and really ask yourself "is this such a big deal"? While its easy to be taken advantage of if you always let the little stuff go, know when you should just let it go.

7. LIMIT COMMUNICATION WITH YOU EX- Many people are co-dependent on their ex and divorce does not make that relationship any less co-dependent. Limit communication, especially in the early years, for those things that actually need a response or to forward information that only you would have. Too much communication can cause drama, unnecessary conflict and misunderstandings. While its okay to be friendly, try to remember boundaries and keeping things simple.

8. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO SAY, DO IT IN PERSON NOT EMAIL- I'm astounded by what people put in emails and am constantly telling my clients that things "get lost in email translation". When your ex reads an email, they are going to interpret that email in the manner that they believe it is being delivered. Often times, that is the basis for misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Many people have forgotten that a simple telephone call is the best way to accomplish the delivery of information.

9. CONSULT WITH THE OTHER PARENT BEFORE MAKING ANY MAJOR PARENTING DECISIONS AND TRY TO AVOID MAKING MAJOR DECISIONS OVER THE OTHER PARENT'S OBJECTION- You would never want to be the last to know when your child gets a tattoo, drops out of school, gets a cell phone, gets a car, or gets a job. Therefore, even if you know that the other parent is going to have a differing opinion on a certain subject, consulting the other parent is the right thing to do and what is required of you in the shared parenting statute. Most major decisions should not be made unless both parties are in agreement with that decision. Remember that kids only have to look to you for 18 years as to what they can and cannot do, after that, they are on their own. When a kids wants something, they are always going to ask the parent who is more likely to say yes. Don't say yes or no to something major unless the other parent is on board. While there are exceptions to this golden rule, in my mind, they are few and far between.

10. NEVER ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO USE YOU AGAINST YOUR EX SPOUSE TO GET WHAT THEY WANT- Kids are smart and often times will figure out how to play their parents in order to get what they want. If your daughter wants to go to mom's house on your day, and you are okay with it, communicate with your ex first before you say yes, just to make sure she isn't really planning on being at her boyfriend's house when his parents are away. If your kids know that you and your ex do not communicate well, they will use that fact to their advantage to get what they want. Don't let them!

Advice for Unwed Fathers

I recently heard a statistic that stated that more than 40% of children today are born to couples who are not married. While this percentage is lower if you are over 30 when you have your children or have a college degree, there is still a vast majority of people who are choosing to have their children before they get married or decide not to get married at all. This sometimes creates unforeseen issues and problems for unwed fathers if the relationship does not work out in the manner that they had hoped. First and foremost, signing a birth certificate does not automatically give you any rights. Fl. Stat. Sec. 742.031(2) has been interpreted to mean that unless a father is adjudicated the father and specifically provided parental rights, the mother is deemed to have sole parental responsibility and all the time-sharing of the child. This means that if the mother and the father of a child choose to part ways romantically, the mother would not be legally in the wrong for denying contact or making unilateral decisions regarding the welfare of a child, including potentially moving from the jurisdiction of the Courts here in Florida. Most men should be scared of this fact and should actively insure that their right to be a father is protected. While it is true that most Judges do not like when a woman denies a father contact just because "she can" and either provide make-up time or some other reprimand, if your baby's mother moves from the State of Florida the damage is done. So, here are some tips to help insure that your rights are protected and to provide you an easier path if you are forced to move forward with a court proceeding in order to set forth a time-sharing schedule: 1. Always, always, always sign the Birth Certificate and obtain a copy of the birth certificate for your files. 2. Make sure that you and the mother sign an Affidavit and Acknowledge of Paternity acknowledging that you are the father of the child. 3. Sign and file with the Putative Father Registry. The link to obtain the necessary forms to file are as follows: http://www.doh.state.fl.us/planning_eval/vital_statistics/putative.htm 4. If you have health insurance through your employer, place your child under your policy. 5. Prior to the child's mother and you parting ways as a couple, insist that you both agree to a parenting plan and time-sharing schedule. This should be filed with the Court with a properly filed Petition to Establish Paternity. This is the only way to insure that your rights are protected and that you have a way to enforce the schedule that you both have agreed to. 6. Make sure that your name appears on all emergency contact records and with your child's pediatrician. 7. Most importantly, be as involved as possible and work with the Mother remembering that you both are in the business of raising your child and the best chance that your child has of becoming a well-adjusted adult is if you two co-parent him/her with the least amount of animosity towards one another.

High Conflict Divorce and the Toxic Ex Spouse

There are some people who end up in court and litigation with there ex spouse for the length of time that their children are minors. Usually this involves both people arguing over everything. In some cases there is one person who wishes for peace, and the other parent who thrives on conflict. These high conflict people fight you over haircuts, pick up times, extracurricular activities, holidays, exchange of uniforms, discipline measures, school photos, and every other day to day activity that is involved with being a parent. It seems as if there are some people that will stop at nothing to make your life stressful and unbearable. There is an old adage for family lawyers that states that in divorce its important to love your kids more than you hate your ex spouse. The people that are able to do that have no problem acquiescing on certain issues and sitting with their ex in a parent/teacher meeting. The other folks end up with adult children who choose not to invite either parent to their Thanksgiving tables because its not worth the hassle of choosing between the two parents or the risk of a fight if they invite both. I recently came across an article that addresses what you should and shouldn't do when you have a friend in this situation. I think that it offers some good advice and insight especially as it relates to the lasting impact that relationships like these have on divorced children. I don't have any advice for those folks who are dealing with this situation, what I have advice for are those folks about to get married or deciding to have children. If someone is controlling, confrontational or difficult to communicate with, that person will be 10 times worse if you were to get a divorce. Take that into consideration before you get married and have children. I often hear that "this is not the person that I married". That's because when we get married we are blinded by love. When we get married, its about romance, flowers and poetry and we often don't think about those things that have the biggest impact on the success of a marriage. (i.e., common interests, similar life goals, ability to hash out conflict without hurt feelings, similar morals and values, etc.) The article can be found at the following link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/pauline-gaines/5-things-never-to-say-to-_b_1653823.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Caim%7Cdl28%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D180665

A Bird In Hand.....Getting Alimony Upfront

We are in an era here as family law practitioners where a good portion of our practice consists of the modification of existing child support and alimony awards. People are losing jobs, losing homes, taking pay cuts, losing bonuses and other compensation that was previously used to determine a child support or alimony obligation. This is a big problem in cases where someone has received an alimony award and relies on those monthly payments to meet their basic living expenses. Regardless of whether or not an alimony award is non-modifiable, if the person responsible for making alimony payments loses a job and doesn't have any assets, your chances of being able to hold someone in contempt for non-payment of alimony is difficult. Furthermore, if someone retires, gets injured, loses their job or is otherwise unable to make alimony payments, if your alimony is not designated as "non-modifiable" you may very well receive a discounted alimony payment on an ongoing basis or it may be eliminated all together. With that being said, I feel that in the economy that we are currently stuck with, most people who are entitled to any form of alimony really need to consider the idea of "lump sum" upfront payments so that they can avoid the issue of an alimony award being terminated or reduced in the future based upon some unfortunate circumstance. If there are assets, especially cash assets, available during the initial divorce proceeding you should see how much of those assets can have distributed to you in a settlement in exchange for a reduced alimony payment. You never know what the future holds and if there is any way to "get your money up front" you should do it even if that means lowering your monthly alimony payments. If you are savvy with your lump sum payments and meet with a financial planner in order to manage your money properly, it may be a better deal for you in the long run. This is especially true if your husband/wife is in poor health, close to retirement or has a history of jumping from job to job. The old adage, "a bird in hand is worth two in the bush" is without question true when it comes to divorce settlements.

Alimony Reform?

Happy New Year! With the new year comes the annual discussion of whether or not there is a need to reform our Florida alimony laws. There is legislation currently pending that is trying to radically reform our current alimony laws. A link to the pending legislation can be found by clicking on the "Alimony Reform?" title above.

All of us in the family law community have been discussing whether or not this particular bill has a chance of being passed and the general consensus is that it doesn't. These are the major points that are contained in the bill that would have the greatest effect on our current alimony laws:

1. Limitations on Awards of Attorneys' Fees- May not exceed the greater of $7,000.00 or the reasonable value of the representation of the party paying the fee.

2. Termination of Permanent Alimony and Creation of Long Term Alimony- This would be for marriages lasting more than 20 years in most cases and an obligor reaching the normal age of retirement is considered a substantial and permanent change of circumstances. There would be a rebuttal presumption that alimony terminates upon retirement of the obligor.

3. Requirement to Look at the Earning Capacity of Obligee Spouse- This would require an obligee to maximize their earning capacity and allows the court to impute all income to the obligee that could be reasonably earned after achieving maximum rehabilitation.

4. Supportive Relationship- This would require a refund of alimony paid and an award of costs and fees if the recipient of alimony denies the existence of a supportive relationship that is later found to be true and would prohibit the Court from reserving jurisdiction to reinstate alimony if the supportive relationship terminates.

5. Determination of Income- This would state that that the income and assets of the obligor's spouse or person with whom the obligor resides may not be considered in modification of alimony. Additionally, in initial proceedings, when determining the financial resources of each party, it would only include the marital assets and liabilities distributed to each.

6. Standard of Living of Parties- There would be a rebuttal presumption that both parties will necessarily have a lower standard of living after the dissolution of marriage than the standard of living they enjoyed during the marriage. Additionally, an award of alimony may not leave the payor with less net income or with a lower standard of living than the recipient.

7. Life Insurance- If the court awards life insurance, the cost of the life insurance or a bond would be deducted from an alimony award.

8. Long Term Marriage- Would be defined as a marriage lasting 20 or more years.

While many of the things that are stated above, I do believe the Judges take into consideration when determining an award of alimony, if this legislation were to pass, the courts would be REQUIRED to follow these rules. Its already quite difficult for someone to receive a permanent alimony award, and its even more difficult to obtain awards of lengthy alimony if the recipient spouse is educated and capable of being self-supporting. It will be interesting to see whether this legislation passes. Please let me know your opinion on this issue by posting your comments here.

Is Collaborative Divorce Right For You?

Recently, I have had a lot of people come into my office to discuss whether or not a collaborative divorce is right for them. Most people do not even understand what collaborative divorce is, and before you can decide that it's right for you, you have to understand what it is.

Defining it in its simplest terms, Collaborative divorce is a process driven by the parties that provides them with a dispute resolution alternative that allows them to put aside their own agendas and work for the collective whole of the family. All parties sign a participation agreement and in the event the collaborative process fails, the parties are required to discharge their respective attorneys' as well as the mental health and financial experts that they have engaged as part of their team. The reason that this type of divorce works is because of the commitment that both the Husband and the Wife make to one another that they are not going to go to court. This is not for everyone and its important to do all of your research regarding the collaborative process before you commit. However, here are five (5) key questions to ask yourself that should determine whether or not collaborative divorce is right for you.

1. COST- Do you currently have $25,000.00 to $50,000.00 that you are willing to pay up front for your divorce? Collaborative divorce requires the employment of two (2) attorneys, and usually a mental health and financial expert as part of the "team". While this may seem extraordinary, the average divorce can cost well over $50,000.00 if litigation is required. While it is hard for most people to shell out this amount of money up front, generally speaking, a collaborative divorce ends up saving you money in the long run.

2. EMOTION- Are you able to set aside your emotions in order to make logical informed decisions that require you to forget about the fact that you are hurt by your spouse? Emotions run high in any divorce, but in the collaborative process, you are required to sit across the table from your spouse and make decisions. If your hurt and anger will not allow you to make decisions, the collaborative divorce would be very difficult.

3. PROCESS- Are you able to look at the means rather than the ends? If you already have an exact idea on what you are looking to get out of your divorce in terms of property distribution, alimony and child issues, again a collaborative divorce would be difficult. Collaborative divorces are process driven, meaning that its not about where you would end up in court. Its about whether getting to a point where the outcome is equally palatable for both you, your spouse and your children.

4. GOALS- Do you and your spouse have common goals? In order for a collaborative divorce to work, you and your spouse not only have to have the common major goals, the sub goals need to be similar if not the same. Without common goals, collaborative divorce cannot work.

5. COLLECTIVE WHOLE- Are you concerned about your spouse and how the divorce will affect them? If you want your spouse to be okay after the divorce and for you to have a good working relationship with them, really the only way to achieve that goal is by putting the needs of your spouse at the same level you put your own. The normal divorce process encourages lobbying for position and thinking about your best possible outcome. This is the most difficult part about the collaborative divorce process because it requires you to put your spouse's needs not necessarily before your own, but on the same level.

If you answered yes to all of the questions above, then ask your attorney about collaborative divorce. If you answered yes to a few, but not all the questions, you should research this a bit more to determine whether its the right thing for you.

Divorce, Depression and Suicide

In my efforts to find a topic to blog about today, at least three stories popped up when I searched Google regarding divorce related to suicides and murders. There is a saying in the family law community that family lawyers get to see good people at their worst and criminal attorneys get to see bad people at their best. I see people in all states, from irrationally angry to severely depressed. When going through a divorce or family legal crisis, it is imperative that you lean upon close friends/family and seek professional help if the stress of the situation is too much for you to bear. Get into a support group, stay away from drugs and alcohol and make sure not to act on emotion. Remember that things do get better and be proactive about finding realistic solutions to problems instead of burying them or trying to ignore them. There is no question that divorce is stressful and that after divorce your life will not look the same. Embrace the change in a positive way and try to fix only those things that you have the power to fix. If you have a controlling ex-spouse, know that this will not change and find new ways to deal with them. If you have a tremendous amount of debt, know that this won't change without a plan. If you and your spouse have tremendous difficulty communicating about your children, know that this won't change without you giving in now and then on what you want, and even then, it might not change. If you are going through a divorce and are finding your situation to be hopeless, please call a friend, contact a therapist or a crisis center so that you can avoid any unnecessary tradegies.