Can Divorce Make You Fat?

There is no question that divorce is emotional and often times the emotional part of divorce can have physical implications, whether that is anxiety, high blood pressure, stress headaches or weight gain/loss. It seems that even pseudo celebrities are blaming their divorce for weight gain. This just goes to show you that no one is immune to the emotional aspects of divorce. If you are feeling any physical effects from your divorce, its important to get help if these symptoms are causing your quality of life to suffer. Exercise, proper diet, good sleeping habits and having a good support group can help insure that this physical manifestations of divorce do not spiral out of control.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1262302/Kevin-Federline-Divorce-Britney-fat.html

Things I Learned From My Divorce

I was listening to the radio the other day and they were talking about a Cosmopolitan Magazine article that addressed positive things that people learned from their divorce. So much about divorce is negative, but there are positive things that are learned and after searching the web, I found that there is a lot of information out there about the positive things that come from divorce. Here are just a few of the positive things that I found people saying about their divorce.


1. You can face anything, meaning that divorce was really difficult and after knowing that you could get through something that difficult, you had confidence in yourself that you could face difficult things in life and be able to get through them.

2. Positive things can come out of something so negative. No matter how awful something is, there is always something good that has come out of it.

3. You can't control everything, so sometimes you have to let go. Divorce teaches you that soften times things are out of your control. Learning how to let go of things and allow some things to run their course can be quite liberating.

4. Looking forward rather than backwards can solve a lot of problems. In order for you to move on in a divorce, which includes letting go of your anger towards your cheating spouse in order to co-parent your children, helps you heal and move on. Looking backwards does not solve problems, looking forward does.

5. You are never too old to start over. Embracing change no matter how old you are is a good thing and can open doors that you may have thought were closed forever, whether that is going back to school, venturing into the work place for the first time or moving to a new home.

Please let me and others know what positive things have come out of your divorce.

Death and Divorce

As a family lawyer we often say that we get to see good people at their worst while criminal attorneys get to see bad people at their best. Unfortunately, in some cases, divorce not only brings out the worst in people, it sometimes leads to unspeakable crimes. There was a case in California in the early 1990s about a woman who killed her ex-husband and his new wife out of rage. She was tried and convicted of two counts of second-degree murder with back to back sentences of 15 years to life. Ms. Broderick is now seeking parole. I don't know all the facts of this case, but it seems that she broke into her ex-husband's house and may very well have had the intention of killing him. I never think that hurt feelings or trying to wrong a right that occurred in your marriage is justification for violence. I encourage all of you out there who are feeling out of control anger and the need to hurt your ex-spouse, please get help and do not act on those feelings. While anger, disappointment and sometimes rage can be normal feelings in a divorce, getting help when those feelings cannot be controlled is in every one's best interest, including your own.

Website for Adultery?

It has been a while since I blogged and its been hard to find any article that doesn't have Tiger Woods in the title. However, I did happen to stumble upon something that I had to post here in this blog. There is a website that exists for dating that is exclusively for married people. Yes, that is right, married people. What is even more shocking is that the site boasts more than five million users. I read some of the articles on the website and a curious statistic jumped out at me that stated that 70% of all marriages survive an extra-marital affair. I believe that this number has got to be false as more than 50% of the people who come to my office seeking a divorce involve someone being unfaithful. Now, I'm sure that there are a lot of marriages that survive one extra-marital affair, but its been my experience that once there is one affair, there are going to be more to follow which eventually will lead to the demise of a marriage. I find it hard to believe that any marriage can survive an affair especially when one party is actively seeking out a relationship with another person on the Internet. I'm curious to know what others think about this site and whether they believe that marriages can survive affairs.

Children's Divorce Classes

One of the biggest issues that couples face when they are going through a divorce is the effect that the divorce has on their children. I'm often asked whether I have any helpful tips for getting a child through a divorce in one piece. While I think the most important tip that I give clients is to keep your child out of the divorce process and do your best to co-parent your children in a friendly and civil manner, counseling and other programs are also helpful. I became aware of a program called Sandcastles which is a program for children to help them learn about divorce and to group a child together with other children who are going through the same thing that they are. Sometimes children feel all alone when their parents are divorcing and knowing that other children are going through the same thing can be very comforting. If you are interested in this program and how you can get your child involved, see:

http://www.educationprograms.com/Children-Divorce-Class-Sandcastles-Divorce-Children.php

Holiday Divorce Tips

There are many people out there who are going to be celebrating Christmas this year for the first time as a divorced couple. Creating ways to cope through the holidays can help make the time not only manageable, but enjoyable. This is especially true in the event that you have children. Here are a few helpful tips.

1. Make new traditions. There is no time like the present to create new traditions with your children, especially if it is not your year to have them on Christmas Day itself.

2. Surround yourself with family and friends. Now is not the time to be alone. Fill your calendar with events and don't pass up the opportunity to attend a party or two.

3. Make New Years Resolutions that you can actually stick to.

4. Don't make your children feel sorry for you if they are not spending the holiday with you. It will be hard enough on your children to be without both parents for Christmas, so its important not to project your feelings on them.

5. Don't spend money that you don't have. Retail therapy is not only a bad idea, it can provide you with a great deal of buyer's remorse in the new year in the form of high credit card bills.

6. Stay away from excessive eating and drinking.

7. Keep expectations reasonable.

8. Make time for yourself. Its easy to get caught up in what you can do for everyone else around the holidays. Taking some time for yourself can help you keep your sanity.

9. Take a break from the divorce madness. If your divorce is not yet final, take a break from litigation and animosity.

10. Remember that "this too shall pass."

Alimony....Till Death Do Us Part?

In a long term marriage, when permanent periodic alimony is a given, we often speculate when someone can retire and possibly eliminate or severely reduce a monthly alimony amount. Often times, if someone retires at a normal retirement age, alimony can be eliminated or reduced at retirement. However, a judge in Massachusetts has ruled that a person may have to continue working or seek part-time employment even after retirement in order to satisfy an alimony obligation. Is this fair? Should someone have to continue to work well into his/her 70s or 80s in order to satisfy an alimony requirement? Shouldn't a person be allowed to retire? On the other hand, should someone be allowed to retire in order to escape the necessity of paying alimony? Alimony is one of those nasty words that causes heartburn for those who have to pay it and heartburn for those who are fearful of losing it. With people living longer and retirement ages still around 65, it'll be interesting to see how all courts handle this complex issue.

To read the article about the Massachusetts ruling see: http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2009/11/10/divorce_may_mean_retiring_is_delayed/